I never really understood love... Why did it even exist if it inevitably hurts? I see people in love, for long times even, but for the life of me never really understood it. Maybe because I never really experienced it. It was an emotion that defied all logic to me. Which is funny seeing how illogical it really is. I had been "loved" before. Every time ending in more turmoil than I was in before the "love" even happened. To me loneliness felt so much better. I couldn't understand why even bother. But slick talk and not so crooked smiles tricked me into believing that it was real "this time". That this one really "loved" me. Every time I'd find myself in a deeper despair and a deeper regret than from the last heartache. But, I'd always fall. I'd always allow myself to fall for the Okie doke. Being blindsided every time with the infamous break up or gradually drift away. What was it that was compelling me to do it all over again? Why would I delve into this abyss of not knowing when I would be hurt, but I just knew I would be hurt?
I guess that is the hopeless romantic in me. I see the beauty in it. I see the blessing in it. I see the "good" in it, I just don't see the logic in it. that's the blight of an analytical thinking, hopeless romantic whose heart has been broken so so so many times. So I analytically was sitting here thinking... And thinking... And thinking about the purpose of love. I mean, I'm a mom so I have experience LOVE... My kids love me! (Even if they don't always keep their rooms clean or tell me all the time). The love that I didn't understand was the romantic love. That romantic love between two people who is supposed to be a bond that is conditional and solid. I've seen it. I know it's out there, but have yet to experience it for myself. So, I try to avoid it. However, I wonder.... Am I supposed to be alone? I mean really, I think about it. If I'm supposed to be alone, then I would be content with just that. However, I'm not. But, am I supposed to fall in love? If I'm supposed to fall in love, then I would do that and it would be right. Right?
My favorite scripture is, Guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23. I think about that... I have to guard my heart. I have to protect myself. But, if I'm doing all this guarding, how will "he" get in. How will Mr. Right get past my tough defenses? How will he be able to get to my heart and change my mind about this illogical thing called love? I think that if I loved myself unconditionally, then maybe I'll be able to decipher through all the craziness. But most importantly, if I quieted my disdain for love long enough to understand that it is truly a gift from God because we love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19. So loving Him truly can lead to true love. Right? That's logical. That makes all the sense to me. No matter how I take it apart in my mind and put it back together, it makes perfect sense. I can see the blessing in love between two people. I can see God. I see His love and His wish for us to be with the right person. I can not only hope for true love, but pray for it and expect it because God would be in the midst of it. We get lost in the dating game. We get lost in the significant other. The only significant other a single person should have is God. Right? I'm just searching for some answers because heartache has claimed my very existence sometimes. I've been so caught up in the hurt that I have not been able to see the beauty in what true love may offer. So what is a girl to do? that is a valid question.
In Love....
*I'm in love with the idea of being loved and being in love and discovering stuff I didn't know I'd discover.
*I'm excited about the excitement of being kissed and being missed and just uncovering emotions never uncovered.
*Purposes for my smile all the while will be the result of his touch and undanting affection.
*Directed to his arms and his charms, alarmed by his sweet and desirable sense of direction
*Perfection will be in his touch on the small of my back as I try to act cool, calm, and collected.
*To feel complete at the sound of his voice and the thought of his choice to be with me in a world so majestic.
~ Kiss Kissha! © Kissha Fields 2013
I guess that is the hopeless romantic in me. I see the beauty in it. I see the blessing in it. I see the "good" in it, I just don't see the logic in it. that's the blight of an analytical thinking, hopeless romantic whose heart has been broken so so so many times. So I analytically was sitting here thinking... And thinking... And thinking about the purpose of love. I mean, I'm a mom so I have experience LOVE... My kids love me! (Even if they don't always keep their rooms clean or tell me all the time). The love that I didn't understand was the romantic love. That romantic love between two people who is supposed to be a bond that is conditional and solid. I've seen it. I know it's out there, but have yet to experience it for myself. So, I try to avoid it. However, I wonder.... Am I supposed to be alone? I mean really, I think about it. If I'm supposed to be alone, then I would be content with just that. However, I'm not. But, am I supposed to fall in love? If I'm supposed to fall in love, then I would do that and it would be right. Right?
My favorite scripture is, Guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23. I think about that... I have to guard my heart. I have to protect myself. But, if I'm doing all this guarding, how will "he" get in. How will Mr. Right get past my tough defenses? How will he be able to get to my heart and change my mind about this illogical thing called love? I think that if I loved myself unconditionally, then maybe I'll be able to decipher through all the craziness. But most importantly, if I quieted my disdain for love long enough to understand that it is truly a gift from God because we love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19. So loving Him truly can lead to true love. Right? That's logical. That makes all the sense to me. No matter how I take it apart in my mind and put it back together, it makes perfect sense. I can see the blessing in love between two people. I can see God. I see His love and His wish for us to be with the right person. I can not only hope for true love, but pray for it and expect it because God would be in the midst of it. We get lost in the dating game. We get lost in the significant other. The only significant other a single person should have is God. Right? I'm just searching for some answers because heartache has claimed my very existence sometimes. I've been so caught up in the hurt that I have not been able to see the beauty in what true love may offer. So what is a girl to do? that is a valid question.
In Love....
*I'm in love with the idea of being loved and being in love and discovering stuff I didn't know I'd discover.
*I'm excited about the excitement of being kissed and being missed and just uncovering emotions never uncovered.
*Purposes for my smile all the while will be the result of his touch and undanting affection.
*Directed to his arms and his charms, alarmed by his sweet and desirable sense of direction
*Perfection will be in his touch on the small of my back as I try to act cool, calm, and collected.
*To feel complete at the sound of his voice and the thought of his choice to be with me in a world so majestic.
~ Kiss Kissha! © Kissha Fields 2013
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